T’was the night before Christmas and all through the house,
Every critter was stirring, trying to catch a toy mouse.
The stockings were hung by the chimney, we dared,
Hoping they’d not be attacked and last ‘til next year.
We humans were nestled all snug in our bed
While visions of a garkless night danced in our heads.
With one cat on David and three more on my feet,
We tried to settle in for a restless night’s sleep.
When out in the backyard there arose such a ruckus,
I wiggled out from under the cats to see what the what was.
Over to the window I shuffled my way, glanced through the curtains
And said “What the hey!?”
Motion-sensor lights shone on the pavers below
Giving the luster of a prison yard breakout we know from TV shows.
When what to my near-sighted eyes should I spy,
But a family of raccoons and they didn’t seem shy.
With one in a ski mask holding the garage door ajar,
It appeared they were intent on stealing my car.
Faster than ferrets they scurried into the dark
I heard the doors open and saw the hotwire spark.
“Now, Rusty! Now, Chipper! Now, Bandit!” I heard,
As the leader of the pack rallied the herd.
“Down to the street, let’s get back on the road!”
And with that they were off, in full getaway mode.
Where they were going I can’t begin to imagine,
Maybe up to Montclair to their holiday cabin.
It was too late to stop them, to take back my car,
Not that I would have, it was all so bizarre.
I got back in bed and considered what I’d just seen
And decided it could be just a tequila-fueled dream.
With that thought fresh in my mind I settled back down
With a cat on my feet and one by my crown.
As I drifted off to sleep I hoped it was real,
That in my car a raccoon did sit behind the wheel.
I think I heard one exclaim as they drove out of sight,
“Merry mischief to all, and to all a good night!”