Glamour. Beauty. Sex appeal. Fashion. Puke on shoulder. Snot on jacket. Mud on face. Sweat pants.
Please. I've tried to keep up with the latest trends, and I've even managed to blow dry my hair twice since my kids were born! But maintaining a polished look whilst chasing babies is something that truly may be reserved for those of us who aren't....normal.
I imagine a celebrity mother dressed in designer jeans, stilettos and an asymmetrical flowing silk top who is skipping through a park. She is beaming as little "Socket Wrench" (or whatever they're naming their babies these days) picks up a pine cone and throws it to a rabbit who carries it in his little mouth and hops away into a field of lavender while SW (adorably) tries to follow said bunny to his burrow. We've all seen those photos. But what we don't see is the fact that there was doggie doo doo on the pine cone, the rabbit had rabies, the field was full of poison ivy and there was lipstick all over the mother's teeth.
In reality, mother (still with lipstick on her teeth) and child would have ended up in the ER with a terrible rash, rabies shots (just to be certain) and smears of dog poo on hands and designer jeans.
These are the kinds of things that seem to happen (ok, maybe not to this extreme every time); but surely all of us have ended up with doggie poo in places that we'd rather it not be since we started chasing our babies?
Chances are that even a short trip to the park will be cause for a wardrobe change, so what's the point in looking....fabulous? Well, actually, I'm going to change that word to... "decent".
If you do desire, at all, to maintain a bit of glamour throughout these first five years of child rearing, here are a couple of tips to get you started:
1. Kiss proof lipstick. I see no beauty item holding more importance than this one. Slap it on, kiss the kids, kiss the honey and don't reapply for hours!!
2. Waterproof mascara. After being splashed in the face by a toddler who's trying to drink from a water fountian, crying in the grocery store parking lot after my child threw a whopper of a tantrum and having sand poured over my face and into my eyes...I have learned that if there's one thing you can count on throughout a day, it's waterproof mascara.
3. Find jeans that fit! How many of us have been walking around with saggy jean bums or waist bands that are either too loose or too tight? (Many, if I do say so myself.) Watch some "How to find jeans that fit" videos on You Tube if you're not sure what to look for. Invest in a good pair of jeans that actually flatter and fit, and you'll have something stylish to throw on in a pinch. Smudges of "whatever the kids are playing in today" are also a joy to wipe off of jeans.
4. Shoes. As lovely as beat up running shoes and rubber flip flops are...sometimes just a pair of decent shoes can give you a polished look. Ballet flats go with pretty much anything and are not all that expensive if you look in the right places. You can find different colors and patterns and it will be one less pair of shoes to tie when you're hurrying out the door to...fun!
5. Hair and Hats. Bad hair day or not enough time to care? Throw on a hat. Hats can be super fun and can be worn inside and out. Headbands also work as does the ever faithful pony tail...especially if you throw on a nice clip.
6. Nothing dresses up even the blandest of outfits (or takes the attention away from the vomit on your shoulder) as much as a pair of dangly earrings or a neacklace. Kids grabbing your earrings? They'll get over it. Stop making excuses and accessorize!
7. Bathe. To anyone who doesn't have a mini-me running around, this may seem rather obvious. For the rest of us, it never hurts to have a reminder.
So there you are! Seven tips that will have Alameda's playgrounds looking like something out of a "Yummy Mommy" fashion shoot.
Obviously, we won't all be looking glamorous 100 percent of the time, but it sure is fun to try! I'd love to hear some of the ways you are able to keep up your appearance whilst baby chasing. Please feel free to leave your ideas in the comment box, and have a great day!