America, I'd like to bend you over my knee and give you a bare-butt spanking because I've had it up to here, (hand held WAY above my head) with your trashy ways. Stop littering. Seriously, stop it right now! Woodsy Owl has told you to stop, the crying Indian guy has told you to stop and now it's my turn to tell you to KNOCK IT OFF!
By the time you read this, I will have driven across America and back and the one thing that has struck me more than anything else is the fact that we're slobs. There is an abundance of litter at campgrounds, at national monuments, roadside — everywhere. In Colonial Williamsburg, my feet got stuck in wads of gum outside the Govenor's Palace ,and at the Grand Canyon, I looked down to see that I was standing in a pile of cigarette butts. Someone had apparantly emptied their car ashtray at a vista point. Not cool.
And don't give me any lip about, "I didn't have anywhere to put it" either. I'll tell you what my mom told me and what I now tell my kids, "If you brought it, you can take it away." Simple as that.
And let's be crystal clear about the fact that the small stuff counts as littering, too. Like bottles and bottle caps, coffee cups, lids, stir sticks and my own pet peeve, the plastic sleeves that house juice box straws. They all count as littering. Got it? Good.
Be warned, Alameda, because I also feel that if you flick a cigarette butt out of your car window, I have every right to pick it up and flick it back at you. Preferably still lit.
The U.S. is a beautiful place to live and explore. It's filled with wondrous people, places and things. So keep it clean! If you have trash, it's yours and you need to dispose of it properly. Don't assume someone else is going to clean it up for you because that would be silly. Show Mother Nature a little respect and pick up after yourself. Surely, you don't want to be this guy.