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One Week, No Kids: You Had WHAT for Lunch?

"Human beings are the only creatures that allow their children to come back home."—Bill Cosby

It's finally here. The week I've been looking forward to for 13 years. This is the week that both of my kids are gone at the same time. One went to an  in Yosemite while the other went to Costa Rica. She’s traveling with a group of kids and some very brave teachers from . 

"How could you be HAPPY about something like that? Don't you LOVE your children?"

Yes, yes, sure. I love them both, very much, of course. But what's love got to do with it? Because they chose to go away from home, away from me, must mean they don't love me anymore, right? Wrong! I don't believe that for a second.

Sure, over the last 13 years there's been the random sleepover when they've both been gone for a night. But this is different. This time it's an entire week and I'm thrilled to have some time all to myself. Because, as you can imagine, my husband and I have some pressing business to attend to.

Short pause...

OK, now that THAT'S all taken care of, on to more pressing business. Like breakfast. This morning I had a chocolate bar that I dipped waaaay into the jar of peanut butter. Seriously, up to my knuckles! It was a thing of beauty. I did not savor it, I did not take my time nor did I chew it 20 times before swallowing. I molested that homemade Reese's bar and took no prisoners! I even double dippped! Argh! The horror!

Oh wait, did a square of Hershey's fall on the floor? Who cares! In my head, I called the 20-second rule! You know what that means? I PICKED IT UP AND ATE IT! Kitchen etiquette be damned!

You want to know what I did next? I washed it down with some ice cold milk right out of the carton! And you know what? Kids are right, milk DOES taste better that way! Try it sometime when no one is looking. C'mon, Alameda, live on the edge! Throw caution to the wind!

With my husband gone for the afternoon and no kids within 200 miles, I then decided to dive into my new book, Fifty Shades of Grey. I was pretty excited to check it out because I had heard so much about it. People have been calling it "mommy porn" so truthfully, I feel like I am their target audience. 

Fifty pages in, I found myself laughing at parts that were not written to be funny. And though I know this is 100 percent fiction, I still rolled my eyes at the unbelievable characters and situations. Not quite the adult cliché of say, an extremely handsome plumber who just happened to be in the neighborhood with his shirt off. He heard you had a "leaky faucet" that needed a "good once-over" with his “huge and capable tools.” But close.

Apparently, explicit novels make me hungry, so I started thinking about lunch. I'm pretty sure I chose to have a Mimosa, or two, but it's hard to remember. Especially after that nap I took on the couch. I wasn't planning on napping. But since it was so quiet and seeing as how I was still in my jammies after noon, why not?

I don’t care what we have for dinner. But I do know this much, I won’t be making it. 

For dessert I will be watching a movie. I don't know what movie yet, but trust me, it will be long! People will die unimaginable deaths, there will be lots and lots of gross kissing and I can guarantee you, it will not be annimated. Best part, I will not be folding laundry or making snacks or cleaning anything of any kind. I, for this evening and maybe this evening alone, will watch whatever movie I want — uninterrupted. 

I do have actual chores on my list of things to accomplish while the girls are away, but those can wait until tomorrow. Or, maybe the next day. Well, at least until after dessert.

Do you ever play hooky in your own house? Oh, and Fifty Shades of Grey — have you read it? Good? Awful? Funny? Ought to be banned? Tell us in the comments section below.

a94501er June 22, 2012 at 01:55 PM
Hah! Here's to more "short pauses" :)
Charlotte Tlachac June 22, 2012 at 05:15 PM
I am borrowing the 50 shades trilogy from a friend for my two week elder care "vacation" in Wisconsin. My friend LOVED them...says that after she finished the third one, she started reading the first one again. Her comment: "pant, pant"....must have something to do with one of those short pauses!!
Carol Lynn Willer Featherstone July 03, 2012 at 05:25 PM
What about some long pauses? and what about that book? sheesh....if she bites her lip "for effect" then tells us how sexy he finds it again, I will not continue reading, I mean - she needs a new move....ugh.

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